We left Chicago without further incident, although Mr. Oil seems genuinely concerned that I refused the pre-meal champagne, the meal time wine and the post-meal shot of whiskey. In German flight attendant school they are taught that no matter what happens up there, you keep the booze flowing!
While we were flying over the Atlantic ocean, I was served a three course meal that included an excellent bread and cheese (why do the Europeans have all the good cheese?) with fresh fruit appetizer, followed by a flank steak meal with potatoes and steamed vegetables concluding with a fruit tort for dessert. All announcements are made first in German and then in English, which makes sense since Lufthansa is a German airline. After the meal we were all given a hot towel to freshen up with, and of course offered more alcohol to drink. Ah, now that I’m stuffed with excellent food I’m starting to wonder if it really would have been that bad if these guys had won the war.
Now it’s time for me to figure out this remote. At my house I only use the remote controls when no one else is in the room. My wife and kids have no patience with me as I fumble around trying to turn on our TV and usually end up accidentally turning on the AM radio, which is always really loud and being broadcast in Spanish (como estas usted?). This remote is completely overwhelming to me. I start hitting the switches and quickly realize this thing controls the seat (in all directions, including a massage option) and the TV in front of me. It also works the lights overhead and a front light that for whatever reason is aimed directly on the guy next to me.
After about five minutes I get the TV fired-up and in English (but with Mandarin Chinese subtitles that I can't turn off), my dentist seat in comfortable position with the massage set to wave w/heat and decide it is time for a movie. Bonus! These guys have True Grit and I’ve been dying to see this movie. I’m convinced that nothing calms the nerves like a good Western, and this one is great. Two thumbs way up for this gem.
After the movie, I look up and realize I’m the only person not asleep on the plane. Not a good sign. Everyone has turned in for the night and managed to get their seats to fold nearly flat. It takes me a couple of tries, but finally get it pretty close flat. I realized the next morning that my computer bag was preventing the seat from going completing flat (I won’t duplicate that mistake). It’s worth noting that Lufthansa also supplied all of us with earplugs, blindfold along with the full sized pillow and blanket.
As I settled down I realized that the inebriated German passenger on my right side is snoring big time and I was going to need a lot more than earplugs to cover this noise! My OCD is really starting to flare up now. I have got to put an end to this snoring. Thankfully I remember the front light and hit the button. Take that Von Helmet! I scored a direct hit on the first try. The beam of light hit him squarely in his closed eyes (sucks to be him that he wasn’t wearing the Hollywood blindfold). He grunted, mumbled something in German, rolled over and then farted loudly. Well, at least the snoring stopped until I could get some rest.
I slept for maybe three hours until Mr. Oil breezed by my seat with a fresh coat of Brut cologne on. Wow, he must have taken a show in that stuff. An excellent breakfast was served (despite the overwhelming smell of Brut) and we landed in Frankfurt Germany a few minutes early. Now what am I going to do in a German airport for the next six hours?
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