I told you I haven't been allow to take a picture since 1996
My first real adventure in India starts like this:
Hello,
Please be informed that you will be required to visit the FRRO (Foreigners Regional Registration Office) at 02:00 PM on Thursday, March 17, 2011 for your foreigner’s registration process. You will need to carry your original passport to the FRRO office. Please expect to be there at the FRRO for about 3 hours, therefore, it is advisable to carry water, snacks and laptop/book to keep you company. It is recommended that you dress formally. Documents required to be carried during the FRRO registration in Hyderabad:
• One (1) Original valid signed Passport.
• Six (6) Indian Passport size photographs (identical, front view), (35mm x 45mm) • One (1) Copy of your Employment visa page. (in our possession)
• One (1) Original Accommodation Confirmation Letter from the Hotel. (issued by the Hotel on request – you may contact your HR to send the email to the hotel and have the hotel issue the Accommodation letter for you confirming the duration, room no: etc.)
• One (1) Copy of the Passport page with the India Entry Stamp.
Soujanya will meet you at the D Block lobby at 01:00 PM and accompany you to the FRRO. Soujanya can be reached on 9052443883 in case you need anything in the meanwhile.
The address of the FRRO office is: The FRRO Begumpet Old Airport (Domestic Terminal) Hyderabad - 500016 Landmark: Lane adjacent to Hotel Fortune Select Manohar Please let us know if you require any further information.
Swarna: Can you please arrange for 1 Innova and 1 accent to pick us up at 01:00 PM at the D Block on March 17, 2011.
Regards U.S. India Expatriate Support
Key Points from the Message Above:
· Wow – three hours and I thought the Utah DMV was bad.
· Six passport photos – what could the possibly need six of my photos for? I better not see any of these circulating around the internet.
· Swarna is heading up automobile logistics for this operation – this is the same person who gave me a pre-paid cell phone with no minutes…
· Check out the street address again. Something is missing here?
Like all good things at Deloitte we have a meeting before the meeting to make plans. At the pre-meeting, Soujanya (who looks a lot like Jasmine in the Disney Aladdin movie) discloses three additional key facts: 1. The FRRO is about 45 minutes away (this little field trip is now scheduled to take at least 4 ½ hours, if all goes well). 2. The FRRO has no A/C so bring plenty of water. 3. The FRRO has no sanitary bathrooms, so drink your water sparingly. Huh?
As scheduled, our team piles into one van and one car at 1:00 PM. I take the front seat in the van so I can document the action as we go. Driving here still feels like a ride in an amusement park, so the front seat is the best place for me to keep an eye on the action.
Here’s one of our no-nonsense guards. Don’t worry – he will get out of the way.
A little traffic here, notice we are merging onto a 6-lane road, not a traffic light in sight. The little flower pot on the dash will keep us safe.
No room on the road, just use the shoulder. No such thing as traffic lanes either. Yes – she really is riding side saddle on a motor cycle and holding onto her head scarf while going about 45 MPH!
I finally see my first traffic light with a sign at the right. The sign has some sage advice for the savvy driver: Don’t Jump Signal. On Red – Stop, Look & Go.
Who needs an SUV?
The waiting room at the FRRO is packed when we get there at 1:45 PM. In fact, there is shortage of white patio chairs (the same kind I have in my basement) and zero movement amongst the foreigners. We find our group is short one chair so I try to convince a coworker to pull the chair out from under a 45-year old Asian man whose rear-end is halfway to the seat. I haven’t seen a successful chair pull since the 7th grade and this seems like a perfect solution. Complete stranger tumbles to the ground, we all get a good laugh and the chair we need. Unfortunately cooler heads prevail.
Like I said before, Soujanya looks a lot like Jasmine and it doesn’t take long at the FRRO to figure out why she is the perfect person for this job. The FRRO agents appear to be exceptionally skilled in ignoring everyone, but Soujanya. She is quite pretty, very assertive and they can’t ignore her.
As soon as we are seated, Soujanya marches over to the head agent with all of our paper work, a big smile on her face and then just lays into this guy. Heads are bobbing, fingers are wagging in faces and the Hindi is flying out of Soujanya's mouth like an angry swarm of bees. Something tells me she is using language that would make a seasoned Indian sailor blush. After a couple of minutes of this, this guy has had enough. He sits down hard in his chair. Soujanya saunters over and in a soft kind voice asks three of us to join her at the agent’s desk for some questions.
The agent shuffles through the applications for a couple of minutes and then looks at Tom and says, “Th-o-mas (with a heavy emphasis on the "th" sound), what is salary?” Okay, kind of an awkward question to ask in front of a bunch of coworkers you just met, but Tom answers without hesitation. I’m glad he didn’t ask me that question. I can never remember, and the first thing that came to my mind was “not enough.” Lucky for me, this guys English stinks and he doesn’t ask any more questions before he approves our forms.
However, after being approved by one agent the forms then go to another and then another. Each time Soujanya stays with the paper work and berates the agents until we are asked to come up and sign again and again. Yep, I’m starting see why this is going to take 3 hours. After 2 ½ hours at the FRRO, I have had too much water and my morbid curiosity gets the best of me. I have to check out the “unsanitary bathrooms.”
Notice anything wrong with this picture?
I felt a little guilty as we walked out of the FRRO because many of the people who were there before us (including the 45-year Asian man), are still waiting around. Later, I learned that before Soujanya took over, this registration process would sometimes take two or three days.
The fruits of Soujanya’s harsh language
With these papers in hand I feel like I can get away with doing anything I want now. Get caught robbing a mobile coconut stand, no problem, I’ll just show the authorities my registration papers and say, “Hey I’m a foreigner, I don’t understand your strange Indian ways.” If that doesn’t work, it’s back to Steve Martin, “Well EXCUSE ME!”
On the drive home I see my first of many water buffalo-inspired traffic jams.
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