Beef Jerky is The Least of My Problems

The security at Shamshabad Rajiv Gandhi International Airport is no laughing matter. All of the foreigners are funneled into a passport/customs clearance line. I run into a couple of guys from Deloitte Consulting out of Germany and we work our way through the line together without incent. No one has asked to see my beef jerky declaration form yet. The not-so-friendly fellow working for the Bureau of Immigration somehow misses the mark when stamping my visa papers. Yeah, he kind of missed half the page. I hand my passport back to him and say, “Hey, looks like you missed there.” He mutters something in Hindi and snatches the passport out of my hand, puts three lines through the first stamp mark, signs the bottom line and re-stamps the page again, with authority. Opps!

I make my way to the baggage claim area and start jockeying for a good position near the chute. The bags start trickling out at a rate of two bags per minute and this continues for the next hour. It’s funny how if you watch a bag go around long enough you start to doubt whether your first identification impression was correct. Maybe that is my bag that keeps going round and round, it’s just a little dusty and somehow grew a new handle with a pink ribbon over the last 24 hours. Why else would it still be going around? In the end, no bags for me ever come down the chute.

Now, I remember reading something about this very scenario in my Deloitte “US to India Rotation Guidelines”, so I break out the copy a have in my backpack. Here is what is says: “There is the possibility that checked baggage may not arrive in Hyderabad at the same time the professional arrives. If baggage does not arrive on time, the rotator should check with their airline’s representative at the airport, who can provide lost luggage policy details and arrange for subsequent delivery of the rotator’s bag(s). In addition, the airline generally provides compensation for lost and/or delayed arrival of luggage.” It sounds easy enough, right.

I look around and see a line of other passengers who look as distraught as I feel and get in line. It takes about 30 minutes to get through this line. When it is finally my turn I’m handed a one page form to fill-out, in triplicate (yes, the canary copy is for my records). There is not a computer in sight at the baggage claim area. Are you kidding me! You’re somehow going to find my lost bags using two carbon copy forms. What is this, the 70s! Once the form is completed, I’m instructed to take this form to through the metal detectors to the customs official. So I march over there and promptly wait another 20 minutes for the customs official. He reviews my papers (which include the affirmative beef products declaration), stamps the papers and sends me back through the metal detectors and back to the baggage claim line.

Fifteen minutes later I’m at the front of this line, again. Now I have to I fill out another form authorizing the airline to release my bags to someone else and have to pick what style my missing bags are on a cheat sheet. This seems crazy to me, it is well past 2 AM now and I’m getting grumpy. “You have my bag claim tickets, why do need a description of the bags”, I think. So in my frustration I break out my iPhone and show them three different pictures of my bags so they can choose the correct model and make and fill out their own silly form (in triplicate). The agent looked surprised and asks, “You took pictures of you bags?” “Yes, I heard this happens ALL THE TIME!”

With this set of paper work now filled out, I’m given a voucher to cover my expenses until my bags arrive and told to take the voucher to the foreign exchange currency kiosk, sent back through the metal detectors for the third time. The money changer gives me 8,000Rs (Rupees) in bills worth 500Rs each, which seems like a lot, but is really only worth about $175.

8,000Rs richer, but very frustrated that my bags are missing and that it’s now almost 3:00 AM, I looked at the “Rotation Guidelines” to see what I was supposed to do next। Here’s what it says: “Exit the airport building through the doors adjacent to the baggage claim। The rotator’s driver (i.e., assigned driver, hotel driver, or another coworker from the U.S. and/or Region 10) will be waiting with a sign that displays the name of the arriving professional. If a rotator has any problems finding their driver, they should locate a phone in the terminal to call the hotel or guesthouse (see telephone numbers in Tax U.S. to India Rotation Lodging Guidelines.)”

So I walk out and guess what, no driver. My worst case scenario has just come true. I have been abandoned in a strange country with no luggage at 3 AM!

While I’m outside looking for my driver a man approaches me says if I come with him he can help me find my driver. Yeah right, I think I’ve seen this movie too. So I look him up and down and say in my most stern voice, “I’m not going anywhere with you.” “No problem, no problem.” He says. “Which hotel are you staying at?” I think about this for a few seconds wondering if I should tell him this or not. “The Novotel”, I say. “Oh okay, I will call your driver back.” Oh, this should be good. I’m thinking this guy is now calling in clown #2 for his scam the dumb American routine. But 10 minutes later a driver shows up, in full Novotel black uniform, complete with hat. I figure that if this is a scam, at least these guys went to the work of getting the right uniforms.

We load my carry-on bag into the trunk and drive out into the night. As we drive to the hotel and start reading through my canary copy and notice the following sentence from the good folks at Lufthansa. “We apologize for the mishandling of your baggage and understand that this will be inconvenient for you. “ Yep, you can say that again. I arrived at the hotel shortly after 3:30 AM. I tip the driver 500Rs, which is an outrageous amount, but I only had 500s.